Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Pour Your Heart Out Wednesday - It's Not Denial, It's Survival

I recently found a great new blog called Things I Can't Say. Shell is honest and witty and expresses herself so well on so many things that Moms can relate too. Every Wednesday she hosts Pour Your Heart Out. The purpose is to be able to express your heartfelt thoughts once a week about anything you want.

I guess the only way to start this post is to say, I am lonely. I am lonely because I have so few in real life (IRL) friends. Part of the reason I came back to blogging was because I missed all of the wonderful people I have made friends with online and the endless amount of support that is out there if you need it.

I have have lots of friends over the course of my 37 years, but they always seem to go away. I have lost BFFs because of a boy, because of other friends, because I got engaged, because I got married, and because I had children. It seems that all my BFFs in the past could never weather through the changes in my life or theirs. To keep myself sane I have always tell myself they couldn't have been that great of a friend if they just gave up.

Because of all the pain, I have found that I have become the kind of person you have to tear down a wall to get to. Not to be difficult, just to be safe. I don't want to be hurt anymore.

To make matters worse, I have found it so hard to make friends since I have four children who have me running in four directions. You would think I would be able to with all these kids. Yet, I am home most of the time and don't get a chance to meet many Moms.

I am hurting at the moment because I think I am going through a break-up with my BFF for the last 15 years. I know it may sound funny, but I am sure you all know what I am talking about. Unfortunately, there isn't much talk about how friendships break-up or how to deal with it.

She lives about 4 hours away so we don't get to see each other but maybe once or twice a year. We call each other at least once a week, every week. She is the Godmother to my fourth daughter. She knew the real me before marriage and children and the person I am now. She knew when to push a little harder to get me to open up and she always knew what to say.

But now, the phone calls have stopped and things aren't right anymore. It started when she forgot my wedding anniversary. She is the only one left of my wedding party I even talk to anymore. She came right out and said she was too busy and just forgot. That really hurt. We are never too busy. I haven't forgot her anniversary, her birthday, her two boys birthdays or her husbands ever. We don't expect anything from each other, but an email, a text, something would have been nice.

She did manage to send a card a week later after we had talked. I emailed her and thanked her and told her I was hurt, but I understood she had a lot going on. We haven't talked since. WTH?

Now she is being spiteful and emails me to tell me she is too busy call her another week and crap like that. That is not my friend and I just don't understand. We are the kinda friends that can put one another in their place if need be. Am I going to loose a 15 year friendship because I told her I was hurt because SHE forgot something important to me??

I know I need to fight for this relationship, but I just can't find it in me right now. I am so hurt at all of her actions I don't know how to move on.

Back to my world I go. Friendless and sad. I don't want to hurt anymore. Friends have become such a painful part of my world. I never understood why my Dad used to tell me that if when I died I still had a handful of friends I would be lucky. Now I get it, Dad.



  1. maybe something is wrong with HER. I mean maybe something major is going on and she's not telling you.

  2. I can't see why anyone would kick you to the curb. You're a delightful person to know and I just love you to pieces. Just saying.

    Jensays may be onto something. It could be her and not you that's having the problem. Her marriage is falling apart. Some other family issue(s) that has her overwhelmed. Could be.

    Have a terrific day. Super big hug. :)

  3. That sucks! I'd like to agree with Jensays and hope that maybe something major is going on in her life, and she just hasn't wanted to/had time to tell you about it. Give her a chance to make up for it.

  4. Reading this post, it was like I could have written it. I am the same way.

    I hope whatever is going on with you and your BFF can be fixed. 15 years of friendship is a lot of time to just throw away.

  5. I know what you mean, too. I had tons of friends when I was in college and grad school and then I got married and moved a bunch of times and had 2 kids, moved again etc etc...and, well, it is really hard now. Plus I am an introvert (not at home, just the opposite, lol)...

    That is really too bad about your BFF and I hope things get sorted out all right -

  6. oh lydia...i am exactly the same way. i lost a friend a few years ago and have been lonely ever since. i have tons of "acquaintances" but no "friends" you are definitely in my prayers! you are a wonderful person and someone, someday, will be lucky to be your "forever bestie"! love and hugs...

  7. I got engaged/married/adult young and lost all of my college friends through the process. They were all still waiting tables and going out until 4am. I haven't really found my footing since, but I am very lucky in that I have a fantastic family so I just turn to them.

  8. You know, your BFF may very well have been too busy. It is so very hard once you have children, with so much going on in life, to remember every little thing. My BFF is my old best friend from school who I have known for 36 years. I forgot her birthday this year - I just even with one child cannot remember to do everything. Did she get mad? No, she did not, she understands. So I'd say pick up the phone, call your BFF and ask her to come and have coffee or dinner or something with you some time soon and just talk. All is not lost unless you let it be.

  9. I can relate. I don't have too many IRL friends either and sometimes I feel a little isolated. I think if you share such a long history, you should be able to air out your grievances without feeling forced to abandon the friendship altogether. Who knows why she reacted the way she did? I know that there are some friendships I've fallen out of step with simply because the person on the other end was going through personal issues that they didn't want to have to explain to me or anyone. Hope you guys clear the air. Friend break-ups are awful. ((hugs))

  10. I'm sorry, that is so hard to lose a friend. I hope that things resolve themselves for you soon! I love your blog background by the way! I found you through Shell! :)

  11. I have a very difficult time making friends now that I am an adult/wife/mother and it can be very upsetting sometimes. I have no words of wisdom but I have a :::HUG::: for you. Breakups with friends are the worst!


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