I posted this some time ago, but I thought I would put it back up for those that never got the chance to read it. Since I have four daughters I think I am going to have to make a lot of copies of this!
APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER(S)
Print out and submit as per instructions at the bottom of the form.
1. Name :____________________Date of Birth :_______________
2. Height :__________Weight :___________GPA :__________
3. Social Sec. #______________Drivers license#_____________
4. Boy Scout Rank :__________________________
5. Home address :_________________City/State______________
6. Do you own a van ?_____ A truck with oversized tires ?_____ A water bed ?____
7. Do you have an earring , nose ring , belly-button ring ?______ A tattoo ?_______
(If yes to any of #6 or #7, Discontinue application and leave premises ...
8. In ten words or less, what does LATE mean to you ?___________________________________________
9. In ten words or less, what does Abstinence mean to you ?______________________________________
10. In ten words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER mean to you ?___________________________________________________________
11. Church you attend :_________________________________
How often you attend :_______________
12. When would be the best time to interview your Father, Mother, And Minister ? _______
13. What would you want to be IF you grew up ? _______________________________________________
Answer by filling in the blanks. Please answer freely - all answers are confidential (that I won't tell anyone - ever- I promise).
If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want wounded is in the __________________________
If I were beaten the last bone I would want broken is my ________________________________________
The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is ___________________________________
When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first is_______________________________________
(Note: If answer begins with T or A, discontinue and leave premises: Keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised. )
I SWEAR THAT THE INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF: NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, DEATH, AND DISMEMBERMENT, NOT TO MENTION THE SHOT GUN I OWN!
Signature (that means your name, moron)___________________
Thank you for your interest. Please allow 4 to 6 weeks for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not attempt to call or write. If your application is rejected you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white coats and carrying a violin case.
APPLICANT'S RIGHT THUMB PRINT IN BLOOD