Monday, August 18, 2014


I seriously can't believe another summer has flown by. This has to be the quickest summer my family and I have ever been through. Due to my current job I had the flexibility to be home more often and enjoy my time with them. 

But today... today is the day I have been waiting for. 14 years in the making I have been waiting for the empty house. Everyone is in school full time now. My oldest is now in High School, the second child is in Junior High and my two little ones are in Elementary all day. The day I have been waiting for turned out to be the saddest day of my life. I changed my mind, I want it all back. 

The majority of my day I have been sitting and crying. I can't believe I am sitting in the house alone. No one is calling my name, no one is fighting, no one is eating me out of house and home. I am sitting  here all alone. 

I get sad every year when they go back. I feel like a part of me is loosing them and having to let go. I know school is a safe place, but there is  no better, safer place for my kids to be than with me. I also get this awful guilt that I didn't do enough or spend our time wisely enough, even though I spent almost every waking hour with them. It is a weird guilt that I get when I realize just how fast time is going and how quickly they are all growing up. 

This year the sadness is overwhelming. Having all four of them out of the house for the first time and having them all in different aspects of their school career was a hard one this year. I worry for all of them and my heart breaks four times over to watch them all go. 

This year was the hardest yet. I would have thought ever year would get easier, but I was sure wrong. Each year gets that much tougher to see them go. I thought I wanted this empty house. Boy was I wrong. What I would give to get some of the time back with my babies. 

If you have little ones- hug them a little tighter, enjoy every moment you can a little longer.  Time flies in a blink of an eye. 

© Still On The Verge. All rights reserved.